Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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