are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
