why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
