Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
