I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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