Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
