my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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