Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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