dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
