i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
