Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize