I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
