So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
