so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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