I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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