i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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