dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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