we're blogging at a bar
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
