if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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