I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
