Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
