I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
