Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
how drunk are you?
Several
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
