god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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