just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
