Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
