I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this hospital has no fireball
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
