Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize