she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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