The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
