my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
