whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Houston, we have a blender
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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