i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
