Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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