God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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