So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
