See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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