wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
