put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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