My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
