omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
