Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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