That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
