I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
