there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
