i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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