he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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