Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
