I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
