An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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