he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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