i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
