Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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