Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
