im about as happy as oj after his trial
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
