Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
