Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
