So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
