dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
