Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I love you.
Bad choice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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