she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize