If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
