I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
