I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
