She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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