1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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