Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
