he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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