i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone shattered a urinal.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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