all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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