How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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